The Journey Begins…
If you are reading this, you are reading a personal journal of my politically-incorrect quest to find the absolute worst film ever made. Is it a possibility? Does such a thing even exist?
You see, I was sitting down one day and I came to the abrupt realization that I hate everything and I hate everyone. I don’t care what it is, I hate it. But I especially hate movies. I’ve seen a lot of movies and I realize now that so much of it is shit. I used to wonder who these idiots at Hollywood (and beyond Hollywood) were making their movies for. Answer: more idiots.
Worse now is that every movie has to have somebody calling it the worst movie ever. So I began to ask myself the question: which movie really is the worst ever? Well, I’m going to find out.
Now, you, the reader, may be wondering: isn’t this a colossal waste of time? To answer your question with another question: what isn’t a waste of time?
What are the benefits of subjecting myself to such a torturous journey, you may ask? I’ve come to realize two things. One, watching crap has actually allowed me to become far more critical in judging movies. It doesn’t mean I automatically think a movie is crap. It just means that I’ve learned to become far more judgmental than just “This movie sucks” and “This movie is good”.
It’s a lot easier to see flaws in terrible movies as opposed to flaws in “average” Hollywood blockbusters that are hidden by typical Hollywood trickeries (examples: special effects, star casts, etc.). I think this is why even the most pathetic Hollywood blockbusters tend to be liked by so many average moviegoers; if theatrical releases are all they see, they tend to be less critical of their flaws.
Two, I’ve been watching crap all my life, so I figured, what the hell’s the difference? Do I gear myself towards bad films or does that happen inadvertently? You see, folks, this quest was one I had been undertaking ever since I saw my first movie. Whatever that first movie was, it has sent me on this inevitable and fated course. I’ve been on this journey ever since I saw that first movie, I just didn’t realize it.
This log you are reading is the spiritual and existential journey of a man to find himself, find the truth, and find the worst movie ever made. So many of life’s lessons can be gleaned from the worst of situations. The meaning of life exists in this movie. The answer to all of the universe’s questions can be unlocked with this movie.
Friedrich Nietzsche, a critic of anti-Semitism and proto-Nazi, the man who was awarded greatest mustache in history and personal hero of mine, once said: “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” As such, I will endure and survive the worst that filmdom has to offer, until I reach that final worst movie which will presumably allow me to transcend the realms of death, itself.
Plus, I’m really fucking bored. To alleviate boredom, I’ve decided to watch boring films. Fight fire with fucking fire.
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- May 13, 2012 / 4:32 pm